TESTIMONIES
These are testimonies of Satanists who I admire very much and who have a very strong devotion to Satan. I hope that you enjoy reading them and that you are encouraged and strengthened on your path as a Satanist.
By Damian Noctifer
I have always felt darkness within, the night imparts energy to me and I walk under the moon in the essence of Satan. An initiation of sorts happened to me when I was around 16. I was listening to Morbid Angel, when suddenly I felt a presence heavy and dark before me. No one told me what a Demon manifesting was like, so I was terrified of the unknown force of the thing appearing before me across my room. I had a large mirror in my room at that time, right in front of my bed, and in it a large yellow-orange ball of fire manifested. A voice deep and sinister spoke to me and introduced itself.
“I am Belial, follow me and become something more.”
Shivering at how cold the room had become, staring into the fiery vortex, my path had begun. After what seemed like an eternity, the experience was over. I had never heard the name Belial before that time, nor had I experienced anything even close to that. I began my search for wisdom through books, the internet, and friends. None of these could sate my thirst for knowledge so I began practicing magick and communicating with Demons.
On the Winter Solstice, I made a dedication to Satan and the Demons, furthering my link to Darkness. I lived alone, learning strength in the isolation, and attaining wisdom through the Ancient Teachers. I passed the seven gates of the Necronomicon, gaining understandings of things that cannot be set into words. I learned the art of the Ahkhkaru, that of psychic vampirism, and I continue to be guided by the Black Dragon.
Through all this, Satan has been there guiding and protecting me, helping me overcome so many obstacles. By thinking like Him and seeing through His eyes, anything I wish can be attained. Through Him, I learned the arts of healing sickness, but also destroying my enemies. Through Him, I learned to experience all my inner and outer realities; shaping them to my Will so that I will Become.
Aharman I hvadae
Damian Noctifer
By Razakel
My confession begins at birth. I was born fatherless (a bastard) as they call it, and my mother and I had struggled very hard our whole lives. I was raised in a Christian environment, went to church on Sunday, attended Sunday school and all that nonsense. Being in church was very uncomfortable for me and my mother, and people would stare and treat her horribly because she had no siblings. We were outcasts in church, receiving no help or support when we really needed it. School for me was hard. I had gone to a Christian school from kindergarten to grade 2, but my mother could no longer afford to send me and the school would do nothing to help a single mother with a kid. Then I began going to a public school, but because I had strong Christian values, it was hard. I always argued with the teachers about their views on how creation happened and in 5th grade, I knocked out my science teacher for saying we all came from gorillas. I was very loyal to "God" and I prayed every night for guidance for my mother and I, and it wasn’t till 6th grade when I came upon a verse in the bible that really troubled me. The verse was, "And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel" (Genesis 3:15). Therefore there are the children of Eve and the children of Father Satan.
I began reading occult books and studied the black arts, trying to find out who I am. Of course I read LaVey’s so called ‘Satanic Bible’ which absolutely disgusted me. I was 13 when I met Father Conrad of the Black Union of Pennsylvania, who was a Satanist in the traditional sense. I told him about how my mother and I were being treated and how loyal I was to Christ, but felt no appreciation from him. He spoke words that will stay with me till I am in the grave- "Satan is the father of the fallen, rejected and the lonely… all who God abandoned." Since then, I have read ‘THE BLACK BOOK OF SATAN’ and other great satanic literature that had cleared my mind and made so much sense. I would spend hours with Conrad; learning the ways of the black arts- that Satanism isn’t a religion but the truth. There are the sons of Eve and the sons of the Serpent. After 2 years of finding myself, it was clear I was a reject bastard by God. I was sick of hearing Christians preach of their blessings and they would help others who really needed no help at all. Christianity to me was a clique for rich pious snobs. It was then when I took the oath of the
I owe my blood to my fallen Lord. What Satan has done for me is that he has rid me of fear, anxiety, and all the things that Christ did nothing to help me with. Satan is my God, my Master, and my Father. He comes first in my life over anything. If I had never turned my life over to the fallen lord, I would still be living my life in fear and confused turmoil, asking why isn’t this horrible Yahweh helping me. He is a horrible God of Lies, who Satan stood up to with great ideas and the lying, who I call ‘daddies boy Jesus,’ stepped in and destroyed Satan’s plans for his perfect world. I pledged war on "god" since age 16 and my life and my soul belongs to SATAN.
OH SATAN, MY FATHER
SHUT THE LIES OF THE JEALOUS GOD
I LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN YOU ARE ENTHRONED
ON THE THRONE OF THE UNIVERSE
AND JEHOVAH AND JESUS ARE BANISHED IN HELL FOREVER
MAY YOUR LEGIONS REIN OVER ALL
HAIL SATAN!
HAIL LUCIFER!
HAIL BELIAL!
HAIL LEVIATHAN!
HAIL ALL THE FALLEN ANGELS!
HAIL SATANS DEMONS!
HAIL THE NEPHILIM!
HAIL THE PRINCIPALITIES!
SHEOL WAITS FOR GOD. IT IS EXCITED FOR YOU!!!
HAIL SATAN!!!
Razakel
My Testimony
By Joshua Sasse
My journey into Satanism and the occult all started when I first prayed to Satan when I was 15 years old. Previously raised and educated in a Lutheran background, I had grown tired of all the dead religion and bullshit pushed forward by the pastors and even the students. I had come to the revelation that all humans, Christian or Atheist, are beasts. I wanted to become something more, I wanted greater power. These things pushed me to study the black arts and embrace Satan as my TRUE FATHER. This would begin the transformation from human weakness to demonic godhood. It wasn’t long before I found the “Satanic Bible” by Anton LaVey. In it, he points out all the weaknesses of the Christian faith, and that all followers of Christ are nothing but carnal beasts. Drinking, looking at pornography, and lying are all common traits of the typical Christian he says. But the “Satanic Bible” was only the beginning.
After about a week into my occult studies I experienced a nightmare. I was suddenly shaken by a demonic force before I found myself standing in my room. The walls appeared to move slightly before me, as if in waves. There was a door in the room, which I approached and opened. Inside was what appeared to be a burnt down building and a vast space of emptiness and darkness. I revered the bliss of the moment, and felt the power running through my veins. I was then confronted with another door that I felt might hold unspeakable horrors behind it. I felt the rising ecstasy as I approached the door and opened it. I stood before a mirror with my face reflected in it. My face contorted into that of a demon’s. At the same time I was both horrified and satisfied. The image was who I am and will become. The demon was made flesh and part of me at that moment. After looking back at this experience, I realize that I am a child of Satan and always will be until the end of time. I AM THE DEMON!!!
Satan has proved by my experience in hell that he is my TRUE FATHER. But Satan is more to me than just a father. He is a giver of everlasting happiness and peace. Satan does not command of his children to worship him, but instead to become like him in all ways possible.
My life has changed for the better ever since I prayed to Satan. I have become stronger in Will, more disciplined, more intelligent, and more focused then ever. I have made the call and climbed the steps toward godhood.
After my experience, I continued to study the dark arts. I came across the works of Michael W. Ford and Aleister Crowley. I found
Joshua Sasse
My Testimonial
By Rev. Jodash Pheonix
Since many Orthodox Traditional Satanists have a Christian background similar to mine, I'll avoid the sickening details of my long years of slavery to Jehovah and stick to the major points of that time.
It's only in retrospect that I can say I was born for SATAN. Throughout childhood, I was indoctrinated with the vilest form of Christianity in existence: fundamentalism. Deep within my soul, I knew that I was never going to be a "Good Christian" because I knew things about my nature that would make it impossible. I nurtured my hate, selfishness, and the ability to deceive subconsciously, because my subconscious self realized these things were gifts to be treasured, not "sins" to be washed away. It would take me YEARS of drowning in the sea of shit that is Christianity before I finally walked away from it at 21.
But I wasn't quite free yet because for the next 10 years, I wandered aimlessly with no realizations in spirituality. When I hit my 30's, I believe Satan tired of my floating and exerted a greater pull, making HIS legacy more obvious to me by forcing the growth of some of the seeds HE planted in my soul at my creation. Without realizing it, I gravitated to those darker places in my soul. I rediscovered the hatred, power of deception, and selfishness, then I began to learn how to manipulate these things.
It wasn't until just a few years ago that I came to my commitment. First, I read LaVey's "Satanic" Bible, thinking it was the answer. For about a minute, I was able to convince myself that its humanistic, almost atheistic philosophy of Satan as the dark portion of the spirit was the truth. I stumbled onto the Cathedral of The Black Goat group on Yahoo and realized that they followed the principles that I had secretly looked for all of my life. I couldn't justify within myself the idea that Satan is an aspect of the human spirit, because I know that HE is a real entity. I began talking with one of the members via IM and email, confessing to him what I truly believe and know about my legacy. I secured a copy of The Devil's Bible by High Priest Myrmydon (of Cathedral of The Black Goat). It's good that I'm a "quick study" because now that I was accepting my legacy, I felt I had so much lost time to make up for. Several months after coming to CoBG, Bishop Michael (with the approval of High Priest Myrmydon), created a new "Coven" under the umbrella of CoBG: The Cult of The Ram, a group for gay male Orthodox Traditional Satanists. Soon after we started this group, Bishop Michael extended to me the call to Priesthood within it. It's a position of honor (the call is from LORD SATAN), one in which I serve as counsel to those who have questions, need guidance, and an example of what LORD SATAN desires from all of us. My selfish nature has made it necessary for Bishop Michael to add the modifier "Solitary" to my title, since I don't have the same giving nature that some of my fellow Priests and Bishops of Satan do, so in this way I serve counsel at my convenience. In case my position as a Priest in a Coven of gay men labels me as strictly gay, I should clarify that while I usally prefer guys for satisfaction of sexual desires, I can't rule out women any longer... my appetite for sexual gratification is too gluttonous to continue that limitation.
Since I am a lover of music, it would be unjust for me to leave that out. Even in my youth, I was drawn to "evil" music and heavy metal (which is about the same age I am... guess we grew up together). It was my secret pleasure, a secret that a "Christian boy" could share with no one. Sneaking into my brother’s Judas Priest and Iron Maiden albums paved the way for my teen years where I got off on Metallica, Slayer, Pantera, etc. Specifically, committing to Satan has affected my musical taste in the past few years, too. I've blasted through Venom, Mercyful Fate, King Diamond, Sodom, Mayhem, and like bands (years after the fact), finally coming to Black Metal. There are plenty of bands who put out what I call "doctrinally sound" lyrics, even when the band members are not True Satanists or even consider themselves Satanists, but it's still not the best choice. What I have come to most lately is music by bands who ARE committed to Satan's work(and openly admitting it). I like to refer to them as "Satan's Musical Ministers, " such as Archgoat, Thornspawn, Weverin, Goat Terrorism. etc. One of my Brothers in Satan, Brother Dagon, uses the term "Satanic Gospel," which is a fairly accurate way to describe the purpose of True Satanic Black Metal; glorifying Satan. I have often thought it a shame that True Satanists who enjoy other genres of music have no such overtly Satanic musical offerings to enjoy. Somewhere, there must be musically inclined Satanists whose talents lie in Country/Western, Pop, R&B, Classical, etc. I think they should be out there using their talents for the same glorification of Satan...
My most recent understandings in gathering wisdom have led me to a harder, colder, more ferocious and militant realm. I look at the workings of those who hold seats of power in government and industry and know them for the slaves of Jehovah they are. They in turn have sway over the masses, though slaves are slaves regardless of station. I see that the ruler-slaves will cannibalize the common-slaves, and to thin the herd they will use war, induce pestilence, and deliberate distribution of toxins. I learn of these things and have no pity for the bulk of humanity. Any shred of altruism remaining within me will be reserved for my Brothers and Sisters who, like me, have abandoned the ways of those without... and worship our Master LORD SATAN with no reservations, doubts, or limits.
Rev. Jodash Phoenix
Cult of the Ram
Cathedral of the Black Goat
When Satan Drew Me In
By Moonshadow
When I was a child, I was made to go to the Baptist church. My parents, being either hypocritical or just wanting time alone apart from the kids, hardly EVER attended. They'd drop us off for ‘Sunday school’ and our ‘youth leader’ was this hideous young man in his early 20's- tall, handsome with COLD blue eyes. He HATED me and my sister because we were pretty (HE was married to a very pious TOAD- self-hatred going on there?), and also because we didn't come to church every Sunday and Wednesday night. We were all of like 11 years old; how DARE he treat us like that? Anyhow, I did learn those parables and things- now at least I KNOW what I disagree with! BUT I never had ANY feelings for those ‘Gods.’ I saw Jesus Christ as a cartoon character who NEVER spoke to me at all, Jehovah was a b---d, and the only person I even began to like was that character we were all told to despise- Lucifer/Satan. I remember feeling nothing but empathy for him, wondering what the hell he did that they thought was so wrong? I just could not work up any enmity for the guy, no matter how hard they tried to convince me he was evil incarnate. I just DID NOT buy it. Also, being a misunderstood person myself, even from a young age, I'm sure I identified with him. I was browbeaten into becoming ‘saved’ and then ‘baptized’ at 12 years old, because my mom wouldn't give me a moments peace until I did that. I KNEW I didn't mean it at all but I was going through the motions to get her off my back. I remember very clearly after the baptism standing there all wet and thinking, "Do I feel any different now?" The answer was, "Nope."
That same year, when I was still 12, I went on a camping trip with the Camp Fire Girls. My best friend's mom was our leader, and those campouts were the highlight of my young life. I LOVED being out in nature. Well, that particular time, on a Sunday morning, I was sitting there on the log and our leader was preaching from the Bible (of course), and I remember thinking, what is going on here? We were sitting there surrounded by all that natural beauty, yet being told to believe in this God and his Son who are invisible. Also, he had NEVER spoken to me and it seemed at that moment that Nature was the true Divinity. Well, after that epiphany, I sort of grew into an atheist in my 20's, but in my late 20's, I began to drift toward paganism because everyone really yearns for something more- SOME sort of spirituality. And atheism usually doesn't work for most people for a lifetime. There's a REASON for that.
So I finally started meeting with a Wiccan group. I attended their public Sabbats (seasonal celebrations), and took a year of classes with them. I still have the certificate from that. BUT I eventually realized that a) some of them have doctrine that is nearly as confining in some ways as any other religion and b) even the pagan Gods did not seem to speak to me. I intellectually ‘enjoyed’ the rituals, and sometimes I did seem to feel something... but it just wasn't enough. The Horned God himself did not speak to me ever, even though I liked what he stood for. I found that odd. In fact, the ONLY deity that ever DID do anything for me was the dark moon Goddess, Hecate. What happened was after I came back home again after living in a terrible neighborhood, and having been traumatized from living in that situation, I therefore was psychically sensitive. To make a long story short, I did ‘protection’ chants to Hecate every day for a year and nothing bad happened to me, although I know for sure some people were angry with me for a misunderstanding. But Hecate helped me, no doubt about it- and now I know why- she is of the ‘Dark’ pantheon of Goddesses…just like Satan, et al.
When I started writing a novel, two of my characters were actual Goetic daemons. I began to experience things happening in my bedroom that convinced me that SOMETHING was trying to get in touch with me. I even felt something touch my shoulder one night. Then the signs and telepathic communication and things just became so unreal, that I had no choice but to believe I was being contacted, and now I know that absolutely was and is the case.
One thing led to another and I began to study ‘demons.’ It led me to realize that the so-called ‘Adversary’-Satan, Lucifer, and perhaps even Azazel (whom I think of as a sort of Messiah who brought us knowledge), were the true Gods. It led me to do a dedication ritual two weeks later. This was the most beautiful ritual I have ever done in all my years of being a Witch, and when it was finished, I felt a strange tingling all over my body such as I’ve never felt before or since. NO red-eyed evil monsters came to drag me off to the Christian ‘Hell.’ I remember standing there in my special robe, looking more like a Witch than ever before, FEELING as though I had found my true God at last and thinking, “Do I feel any different now?” The answer this time was, “Oh, yes… absolutely.”
And it just gets better all the time. I have no regrets and even though it can seem confusing at times, even hard- I know in my heart that Satan is the most amazing God ever, and that He is as real as I am. No one will ever convince me otherwise because now my life has direction, purpose, a God who hears me and created me, and cares for me. I wish everyone could know Satan the way I do. Maybe in time, through my writing and art, I will help to show the world who He really is, and how he has been terribly misunderstood for far too long.
MoonShadow
My Testament
By Josteinn
All my life I have had an independent connection with the occult (hidden knowledge), as well as the supernatural. Being a stubborn Leo, I've always wanted to learn things my way and discover things without listening to others. This has changed in the past year, as even though I picked up things throughout my life I don't think the average occultist and/or Satanist has discovered; I've learned there is much more that can be gained from learning through others. For a good portion of my life, I’ve been able to see through the devil's eyes; yet there have been long moments when I did not. This was not because I somehow was linked by accident and never meant to be a part of our father's kingdom; that would be absurd for the reader to believe, as you either have that essence or you don’t. Yet I believe my lack of sight was due to the fact that by being blind, I can understand what it feels like to be blind; to be nihilistic and see everything as being purposeless, I can understand what the average human being goes through with life. So truthfully, I always have been a Satanist deep down inside, I just haven't always practiced the religion.
Satan is what I refer to when I connect with my guides, and is regarded as the great father. To say such an ignorant claim as "Satan is not the good god of Christianity," is nothing more than a dysphemism. Anyone who has connected with Satan on a deep level, as well as with the demons, should understand that it's not a matter of whether he is the good god of Christianity or not; it’s the fact that he does care about humanity. The proof behind this is both historical and modern; you just have to open your eyes and pull your head out of your ass in order to see it and allow yourself to grow in a spiritual sense with him. Having a closed mind is a Christian concept and something real devil worshippers despise; yet sadly see a lot of in some of the internet Satanists that plague peoples minds into thinking they know everything about what it means to be a Traditional Satanist. They will reap what they have sown in due time, if they have not started to already. Satan is the adversary of “god,” in reality and outside of reality and he is the most evil entity in the universe. Myself, as well as other Satanists who have connected with him, know that he has that essence in him, because we do as well. I have done some very cruel things in my life, especially to those I love; as it’s in my nature, and I'm sure it is in his nature as well to inflict cruelty upon his children from time to time when he feels it is necessary. This does not cause me and shouldn't cause any of you to question the fact that he has a gentle side to him as well. Satan is still the first angel ever in all eternity, and he still has those qualities to him; but unlike Jehovah, he's open about the fact that he can be a heartless bastard; while Jehovah, who throughout history has only shown himself to be a cruel prick, yet has brainwashed humanity into believing he is a good god. I believe he truly created man in his image because when man gains power, he has a tendency to be irresponsible with it. To live under Satan is to be in a state of continuous never ending balance. This involves listening to your deeper, more sophisticated self, as well as being able to indulge in the pleasures of life without getting carried away and ending up in a state of depression and foolishness.
My life is wonderful because of Satan, but it is also wonderful because of me. His teachings, and my actually listening to them and acting upon them, are what have caused me to be a happy son of a bitch. The beauty that exists within pure darkness is much more compelling and natural to the potential spirit of man, than the forced upon blind white light (think of it as a drug to make you happy), ugliness that exists within the modern and past spirit of man.
In el nombre de Sathanas
Luciferi Excelsi
Hail Satan
Josteinn (Count Verdilak)
My Testimony
By Reverend Laura Naysmith
Satan awoke me from walking sleep four years ago. I was always aware of his existence through my then belief in Christianity but oddly I was never of the belief that he was evil. To be honest, I never even gave him much thought at all until I was a teenager. I then became obsessed with Anton LaVey, although I never read any of his books until much later. While Anton LaVey’s Satanism is not what I believe in, he was an important part of my beginning to understand Satan as a God and as a Deity who is more important to the world than most people would like to admit.
I now fast forward a few years to where Satan has been (and still is) an integral part of my life. I can’t ever imagine being without him. He has made me stronger, he has been with me through debilitating illness, he has shown me that who I am is important to him and he loves me for the fact that I am me. There are not many Traditional Satanists in the world because Satan does not just want any person following him; he picks whom he wants. We are the chosen few and that makes me smile every time. When I am having a bad day, then I just think of Satan’s love for me and everything else just melts away. I was ordained into ‘The Universal Life Church’ last year so that I can, in my own small way, help other Satanists with their walk down this (sometimes) lonely path. Thankfully, our presence on the internet is growing daily and sites like Marie's have played a huge part in people's religious understanding. Let's hope that continues.
Reverend Laura Naysmith
WITH SATAN IN MY SOUL
My path to the Dark Lord Satan was a very slow, gradual process. From an early age, I knew the lies of xtianity for what they were, but I didn’t know what alternatives were available to me. I’d always felt a certain affinity with Satanas, though I did not actually call myself a Satanist or worship Him until several years later. Gradually, as I moved through high school and into college, I began to realize how different I was from the rest of the people around me. I seemed to have a higher sense of myself, a growing individuality which brought me increasingly to the Left Hand Path. When I was in college, I read The Satanic Bible, and my life was changed inexorably for the better.
Although I am a member of the Church of Satan, I do not follow their atheistic point of view. I respect it fully, but cannot support it. To me, there is no doubt that Satan is a very real, tangible entity. I feel His love within me and around me every day, and I cherish it. Indeed, I literally wear Satan’s power everywhere I go. My black leather is the Skin of Satan. Through it I feel His infinite presence as He steers me through the maze of life in the modern world.
I have been a disciple of Satanas for twenty years now, ever faithful. Over the last few months, however, it has become increasingly obvious that Satan has a plan for me. Something tremendous is looming on the moonlit horizon. Since April of this year, my faith in Satan has been jarred awake by a force beyond reckoning. It is as if Satan shook me by the shoulders and shouted, “I am still here!” Since April, my life has taken a major turn upward. Never before has my outlook been so optimistic, for myself as well as for the world at large.
To me, it is obvious that the xtian god has no power left to rule over the Earth. What strength he may have had has long since been bled away on the altars of Satan. To be sure, I myself have driven the knife into his shriveled heart on countless occasions. I and all other disciples of Satan strive to make this happen. We seek the unconditional destruction of god and the xtian religion. LET ME MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR: We DO NOT seek the destruction of xtians, only of their insipid god and his lies. As Satanists, we do not believe in murder, sacrifice, or physical destruction. It is much more satisfying to us to see the xtians destroying themselves in their god’s name! Witness the conflict in the Middle East— most of which is done in the name of god. A perversity beyond Satanic reasoning. It will not be long before xtianity drowns itself in its own tears. As more xtians realize how unworthy their god is of their love, perhaps they will discover the true course of Wisdom along the Left Hand Path. And when that happens, Lord Satanas will welcome them with open arms!
Marie asked me how I see Satan. In my eyes, Satan is the natural order of the human species. Satan is love, sex, hate, anger, passion, truth, darkness, light. Satan is all things at all times. It is what we do with His infernal power which makes us the person we inevitably become. Hate is a very negative emotion, but it lies in all of us. How we channel it is what is important. I channel my hate almost exclusively toward god and his treachery. Anger, for instance at an injustice, can be a powerful motivator toward instigating positive change in the world around us. Love, sex and truth need no explanation.
As I continue to immerse myself in the works and words of Satanas, I can feel my heart expanding with His unholy love. I strive to do His bidding, to digest his Truth and make it part of my soul. I am currently studying for the priesthood, where I hope to do Satan’s sacred tasks upon this Earth while I am here, before taking my place at His left side in the eternal Kingdom of Hell.
Eternally devoted to Lord Satanas,
Mørkild, Milwaukee, WI
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My Testimony
By KVamp
As I grew, I got away. As a teen, I lived on my own in a city I didn't know and around people I didn't understand, but at least I was in control of my own life. I explored the only religion I knew that could save my wretched soul and forgive my sins, but as I looked into it, I saw more and more hypocrisy. There was so many do's and don’ts and the people preaching all the "don'ts" were, in reality, the doers. I had enough and walked out of their holy shrines of debauchery.
Later on, I found Wicca and a goddess principle and being raised with a man from an Indian reservation, I was drawn to Shamanism. I love nature and all her divine beauty and it's a love affair that never ended.
Somewhere, during my quiet contemplations, a new friend sprang from the shadows to guide me. I was about to take a new spiritual journey and Anubis came to me. I was suddenly drawn to ancient Egypt, out of seemingly nowhere and his wisdom and kindness (powerful and profound), would forever change my life. Those lessons remain between Anubis and me; however, I asked him to take me on a journey through my own personal Underworld.
So began the changes and realizations...
I discovered my soul; an ancient soul-type consisting of Vampirism, Satanism, and Shamanism. Although I never considered "Satan" an entity, I found myself purchasing the Satanic Bible and taking in every word; though I found that something was missing, maybe Satan? So, being a seeker, I jumped on the internet and off I went. Another transformation took place as I went from one site to another, joining one group, then another. As soon as I even accepted that Satan may be a real being, guess who showed up? It only took that one moment of opening my mind to the possibility and there he was.
I dedicated early and then sat in silence; wondering about what I had just done and why was it suddenly so quiet? Then two nights later I sat in my room at my altar, shaking my fist and yelling at the new god that had just abandoned me. But then, you guessed it; Satan showed up and told me that I was confronting the religious crap that is all around us every day. I had the fear of "selling my soul to the devil" and "hell" and I hadn’t even realized how much it is put into our brains from birth… until then. That night I made my peace and said goodbye to Christian brainwashing forever.
I realize that Satan, as I call him, goes by many names. Why I chose to keep "Satan" is because for my whole life I was also the "adversary" to everything and everyone. The name encompassed the darker aspects of Him and of me that I was exploring. For 2 years now our relationship has grown beyond words; he is the greatest joy, the deepest wisdom, and the fiercest enemy. He is light and dark, love and rage and unending knowledge and his guidance is very profound. When I am back in the blackness of myself, he doesn't rescue me or sugarcoat my thoughts, but instead he kicks me in my spiritual ass and tells me things I may not want to hear. He has never lied or led me astray and all of my notes written in tattered journals speak the same wisdom and truths from Him today, as they did in the past. He is consistent and doesn't tell me one thing one day, and something else the next.
This is where my story ends. As I look with love at a ring upon my finger; a promise between him and I, there are no more words. I am still learning and exploring this world and he is by my side forever, as I am by his side. So it shall be for Eternity.
KVamp
More to come...
Graphics Courtesy of Walpurgis Hellish Graphics
