WHAT SATAN MEANS TO ME
How can one put into words, that which is beyond words? Well, I am going to try my best to do just that, yet to express something so deep, so profound, cannot be done with just mere words. But for now this is all I have.
When I came to Satan, he became the biggest part of my life. I always knew someone had been watching over me as a child, but when I found out it was him, it was the most amazing feeling. He gave me a powerful desire to learn as much about him as I could and he taught me himself without a revealed book as the Al-Jilwah states. I began to recognize him as my Father and since I didn't have a biological father, this made such a big difference to me. I went to him when I was sad, when I needed someone to talk to and when I was happy as well, and he always listened and was there for me. At what can be the hardest time in a persons life- the teenage years, Satan was there for me when no one else was and he gave me the courage to go on when I didn't want to. I would cry out to him to bring me to where he was, but he would gently give me the knowledge that I must stay and because of him, I am here today. For this, I am extremely grateful. I never felt alone as I knew he was with me. He taught me about myself and who I was meant to be and he gave me the courage to be that person.
Satan became my god and taught me of spiritual things and gave me an appreciation for that which I could not see, yet strongly feel. My entire life became devoted to him. I would write poems and books about him and I always wanted to talk about him as I loved him more than anyone. When I was a little older, I dedicated my life to him and I wrote in a little black book that I had for devotions and prayers how I felt, and I renounced everything I had done in the church. At the bottom, I drew an inverted cross with my blood as a sign of my devotion. I also began to wear a pentagram ring on my wedding finger to show that Satan was most important in my life and if anyone wanted to marry me in the future, they would have to accept this and put the wedding ring on my right hand instead. This might sound extreme to many, but this is how I truly felt.
The years since then have been difficult for me spiritually and I will talk about some of my struggles in another section of this website, but I can say that even though I have gone through these struggles and left Satan a couple of times, he has always been here for me. Even when I returned to Christianity, I always wanted to read books about Satan and demons, even though they were written from a Christian perspective and that is because I have always had Satan in my heart. Nothing the Christians could do or say could take him away, no matter how hard they tried, as he has always been in my heart and belongs there. No matter how much they believed their deliverance prayers would work, they did not make a difference. They couldn't; as they do not have any power over Satan.
I am Satan's and there is no one who can take me from him. Even when I gave my testimony at church, I spoke proudly of how I had been a Satanist, and how could I not? That is what I was and always will be, even though I struggled with it at times. People at the church would tell me that Satan would never stop trying to get me back. They were right, as I am HIS.
Satan has done many things for me and it means more than I can say. When I have felt bad, he has taken away my sadness, when I have needed someone to talk to, he has sent me a friend. He has taught me things about him and about the world and about myself; things I was glad to hear and sometimes not so glad, yet I needed to hear them. I look up to him as a hero, someone who fought for what was right and stood strong; someone I desire to be like and learn from and want to be with forever. I admire his strength, his wisdom, his power, his confidence, his majesty and how he cares and loves his children and how fiercely he protects us. We are special to him and he has a personal relationship with each of us.
Just recently I recommitted myself to Satan and once again I have placed a pentagram ring on my finger. I don't know what I would do without his presence in my life. He helps me to be a better person and makes me get up when I fall down. That is one thing about my Lord Satan; he won't let his children stay down but will get us back on our feet even when we feel that we can't. He has been my strength when I had none and has made me believe in myself again and given me hope and a renewed interest in life. He has made a difference in all areas of my life and has set me free from everything that is not good for me. I can feel his love, care and protection in my daily life and he draws me to have a deeper relationship with him. He is everything I will ever need.
Copyright © 2006 Marie RavenSoul
Graphic Courtesy of Walpurgis's Hellish Graphics