By Jessica Hartsell
Childhood/Satan’s First Calls
Looking back, it is obvious that Satan was calling me from the earliest ages that I have memories of. As a child, everything that I loved had to do with witches and witchcraft. My favorite television shows consisted of The Worst Witch, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and anything else that had magickal themes to it. I read the entire Wizard of Oz series by L. Frank Baum in one school year (and the librarian made mention that I’m the only person that ever touched those books at all). I also was obsessed with the Salem Witch Trials. I can remember being so into a book I had checked out from the school library as a kid, that when my bus had arrived, it took three or four people yelling at me to get my attention. If I had a dollar for every time I tried to jump off of my back porch on a broomstick, I could have paid my way through college.
My family shoved it all aside as childhood fascinations, but I always thought that it had to be real in some form. Any mentions of that potential reality were met with “that’s the Devil,” per typical Southern Baptist response. As a child, I would always retort with “No, it’s not!” but internally, I just could not understand why being a witch was bad. “It’s in the Bible,” they would say. “But why?” I would wonder. Why would God make something that felt innately natural to me, against his laws? I wouldn’t find out until I was fourteen. Through the rest of my pre-teen years, I avoided my curiosities of Satan and witches purely out of fear and Christian guilt. But one childhood trauma too many at 14 years old, finally cemented in my brain that God didn’t care about me, so I decided to be a witch.
But now what?
had zero knowledge of deities, pantheons, magickal practices, or any
of the core foundations one needs to start with the path. Luckily,
this was a time when in-home internet was becoming mainstream and I
was able to use that to do some research, (Amazon was in its infancy
and libraries yielded only fiction, so books were scarce). Deep down,
I knew that this ‘home’ place I was looking for was dark in
nature, but well-ingrained fears kept me from even entertaining the
idea of Satanism. So for the next ten years, I danced my way through
almost every pantheon there is in search of home, but never found it.
the age of twenty-four, I was beginning to give up hope of ever
finding ‘home.’ Even though over the past decade I had performed
countless spells and rituals, worked with many different deities, and
still had a sense of emptiness. Then one evening I was watching a
paranormal encounter TV show with my mother, and a man from Tijuana,
Mexico came on for his interview. He told his story that ended with
him ripping out a wall in his home and finding a shrine to Santa
Muerte, Our Most Holy Saint Death. The narco-saint. To the man on TV,
She was evil incarnate and the reason that he had suffered with
malevolent hauntings. But myself, all I saw was a beautiful and
mysterious creature that I just had to google right then and there.
Regardless of all the reports of Santa Muerte’s ‘evil’ nature,
I only found myself more and more fascinated with Her. Soon after I
began working with her, She helped me embrace the darkness and learn
not to fear it. All the while, Satan’s calls were getting much
stronger and a lot less patient. My inner child was still afraid, but
the outward adult was realizing that there was not much good in
avoiding Him any longer. So that year, Skeleton Saint in tow, I
approached Satan’s altar for the first time, and I haven’t looked
with Satan and Daemons has easily been the best thing that could have
ever happened to me. The lessons I have learned have not been easy
ones, but the rewards are always worth the struggle. For example, I
was always told that I would have a hard time conceiving a child (if
I could at all), and my first official ritual called on Machaloth to
help heal my body so that I could have a baby. What I forgot to do
was mention that I wanted to do that in one to two years, and seven
months later I conceived my son. The pregnancy and delivery were ripe
with struggle, but Satan was always there. During my induction (that
eventually failed and ended in a c-section), I remember being in so
much pain and misery that I telepathically screamed “Satan help
me!” I automatically blacked out for the next 17 hours and don’t
remember anything until the surgeons filled my room to take me away
to the OR. The doctors and nurses marveled at my recovery. I never
needed pain medications other than Tylenol and was getting in and out
of bed on my own just two days after my operation. I felt no pain at
any point, just a tightness if I over-extended. Even after I returned
home, there was no real issues that most women report. I owe that
miracle all to Satan. He takes care of His faithful, and will always
be there in the darkest times, even if He remains unseen.
Luckily, my path so far has been
more joyful and less struggle. As far as struggles go, my biggest is
keeping up a consistent practice. When one commits to Satan, one will
find that He does expect, at the very least, some of one’s personal
time. Aside from being a new mother whose husband travels for work
(so very little help), I also work a forty-hour a week job and suffer
from depression and anxiety. So, maintaining a balance the last
couple of years has been difficult, but Satan and other Daemons have
provided me with the tools and people in my life that I’ve needed
to make necessary changes/adjustments. However, the joys are well
worth the sacrifices I must make. I know that my prayers and rituals
are always heard. My family and I never want for anything. My son
gets quality medical care for his autism spectrum disorder. And most
importantly, I finally have that sense of fulfillment and ‘home’
that I always wanted as a child. I feel seen. I feel loved. I feel
appreciated. Satan (and Santa Muerte) provided that for me, and I
will be eternally grateful to them both.
Advice for New Satanists
Never let any human being tell
you what you should or should not be doing regarding your path. Satan
is who you answer to, period. Seeking a second opinion from people
you trust is fine, but only Satan knows what He has planned for you.
His opinion will be the only one that matters in the end, so it
should be the one with highest authority in this life.
Things I’ve Learned
Although my time as a Satanist is much shorter compared to some others, I feel like I have learned more in the last five years, than I have in the other twenty-four. First and foremost, if you hear a call you should answer it. Satan and Daemons do not have time for you to wait around being nervous, or worse, putting them off. So when called, do answer timely and respectfully. Second, never doubt your own capabilities. My faith had waned so badly throughout my late teens and early twenties, that I thought I had lost my natural and obtained gifts forever, but Satan quickly revived them along with many new ones. The Daemonic helps those who help themselves, so having faith in yourself is a paramount quality for those on this path. Last, DON’T BE AFRAID. That doesn’t mean throw caution to the wind and start casting triangles and telling Abbadon what to do. What I mean, is that you need to let go of those preconceived notions that society has placed in your head. Give Satan and his legions a chance to make their own impressions on you and show you who they really are. Once you have established a good relationship with the Daemonic, your life will change forever.